The Interview
Random Acts of Journaling is back. Here is one of my December/January entries:

THREAD: JUST FOR FUN: Let's say you're a reporter sent to do a story on you. You'll have done your research, no doubt, and have a set of questions that will clarify certain aspects of your life. What five questions would you ask? Answer them, too.



the ikss: So Karen…question number one: why all the lies?

Karen: Gee, let’s just cut to the chase why don’t we?

the ikss: Well, why waste everyone’s time here?

Karen: Ok, good point…well, this much I will tell you and really it should be rather obvious: I have had some…self esteem issues throughout my life.

the ikss: And this makes you different from the non-liars…how, exactly?

Karen: Uh…so you have no self-esteem either, I take it?

the ikss: Well, come on…I mean, a whole lot of people in the world have low self-esteem. They don’t all end up liars. Don’t you think this is just a cop-out? A convenient excuse for deviant behavior?

Karen: Well, jeez – you asked. First of all equating lying to “deviant behavior” is a bit of a stretch, dontcha think? I am not defending liars, necessarily; I am saying, though, that I in particular lied a lot in my late-teens/early twenties because I didn’t much care for the real life I was leading. The life I invented for myself was a whole lot more exciting.

the ikss: Yeah, that whole pretending you were from Ireland thing was a lot of fun.

Karen: I thought so.

the ikss: Fine faux Irish accent, by the way.

Karen: Thanks. I was proud of it.

the ikss: So you are defending yourself, really.

Karen: You’re really starting to get on my nerves.

the ikss: OK, next question…where is the music now? Why are you not in a band?

Karen: I really can’t find one worth being in.

the ikss: Have you been looking?

Karen: Um…Not really. At least, not lately.

the ikss: And why not? Have you not always asserted that you should be singing and writing songs; that this is your rightful place in the world?

Karen: Just because I am not in a band doesn’t mean I am not singing, nor does it mean I have stopped writing.

the ikss: So you’re working on solo stuff then?

Karen: Well, not exactly…I mean, I write – I always write. But I am not singing much these days.

the ikss: And why not?

Karen: Well, because I am not in a band right now and karaoke doesn’t appeal to me (at least not more often than like twice a year).

the ikss: Wait…am I hallucinating or did you not just infer that not being in a band is no excuse for not being musically creative?

Karen: Shut up.

the ikss: Why not go it alone, do some solo gigs?

Karen: Well, I can’t really play guitar very well.

the ikss: And when was the last time you practiced?

Karen: I really can’t recall.

the ikss: Isn’t the truth about this that you’re just lazy?

Karen: Maybe.

the ikss: Maybe?

Karen: Well, you know…there are other things to consider…

the ikss: Such as the afore-mentioned low self-esteem?

Karen: Well, frankly, yes. I kind of feel that it held me back when I might have had a chance at making a career out of this and now that I may just have enough chutzpah to go it alone, I am too old to hold out much hope of doing more than occasional local acoustic gigs.

the ikss: And that’s not what you want?

Karen: Actually, I would love it.

the ikss: So what’s the real problem, then?

Karen: I dunno. You sound as if you already have the answer, so why don’t you clue me in?

the ikss: I assert that you are simply lazy.

Karen: Maybe.

the ikss: Question number three: Why is John still in your life at all, let alone still slipping you the occasional sausage?

Karen: Aren’t these questions a little on the personal side? Where did I sign up for such invasion?

the ikss: I’m waiting for an actual answer.

Karen: Well, this is not so easy an answer.

the ikss: Why? Because you’re embarrassed? Ashamed?

Karen: Uh…well, actually, just because I don’t really know right now.

the ikss: Please explain.

Karen: Well, sometimes I think he’s around because…well, he’s available, we enjoy each other’s company and I’m horny and there’s nobody else around right now.

the ikss: Uh-huh, makes sense…

Karen: Other times I think he’s around because…well, I hate to admit it but because I am taking advantage of him.

the ikss: You don’t think he’s getting anything out of the situation?

Karen: Well, of course he is, but…well, probably not as much as I am.

the ikss: Meaning?

Karen: Meaning all he really gets is sex. I’d say he also gets my rather enjoyable company, but he doesn’t seem real interested in me, aside from just the sex part. I dunno. I may be wrong, but who knows? He’s a man.

the ikss: Meaning what?

Karen: Meaning he is not exactly forthcoming with the platitudes and/or explanations of the reasons he likes to hang out with me.

the ikss: OK, assuming that all he is getting is sex…that isn’t enough?

Karen: Well, apparently it’s something.

the ikss: And if it’s neither of those two reasons?

Karen: Well, I guess there’s always the depressing notion that I am holding on out of fear that he is my last chance at any sort of romantic relationship.

the ikss: Man, that is depressing.

Karen: Tell me about it.

the ikss: Do you really think that’s it?

Karen: I dunno. I mean, one the one hand, I am 37 years old. What if I let him go, for good? Realistically, what are the odds that I will fall in love again?

the ikss: Assuming the answer is “slim-to-none” is this quasi-relationship you have with John enough for you?

Karen: No.

the ikss: So why do it at all? Wouldn’t it be better to get rid of him so there are no diversions, should you meet someone else?

Karen: Well, A) I highly doubt our supposed “relationship” would divert any of my affections from other, more suitable, candidates. B) What if this is as good as it gets for me? Isn’t it better than nothing?

the ikss: Hey, I’m asking the questions here…so is it better than nothing?

Karen: Frankly, yes it is. My relationship with John is better than nothing, but it’s not half of what I truly want.

the ikss: And deserve?

Karen: Oh yeah, I deserve better.

the ikss: You sure?

Karen: Well…yes…I mean, don’t I deserve better?

the ikss: Well, I think you do; but what I think hardly matters now does it?

Now on to question number four...

Karen: Yikes. Haven’t we surpassed the limit yet?

the ikss: Related questions count as one.

Karen: Hey, you know, nobody informed me of that caveat before the interview process began…

the ikss: Live and learn, my friend.

Question number four: What is your biggest regret?

Karen: Aside from agreeing to this interview? I have many…but my biggest is probably squandering my educational opportunities.

the ikss: Again with the laziness, huh?

Karen: Next question.

the ikss: OK, question number five: what is the latest happenings with the ghosts in your apartment?

Karen: Actually, either I am losing my spidey-sense or they have been very quiet for the last few months.

the ikss: Do you miss them?

Karen: Not in the least, actually. I wasn’t afraid of them, mind you (for the most part, anyway), but I didn’t exactly look forward to receiving messages from somewhere beyond.

The consistently missing keys didn’t really make my life much easier, either.

the ikss: Thank you for the interview, Karen.

Karen: Sure…but next time, I’ll think twice before letting you interview me.

~~~